Is This Love That I'm Feeling?

I guess I need to get back to updating my blog since apparently people want to know what is going on with me. Life has been extremely busy lately and I have been trying to figure out transitioning from second year to third year in my residency program. I am looking forward to the end of night float and call.

I have had a slow night, so some of it was spent surfing the web. I have found the perfect wedding photographer-no I am not planning a wedding-but if I was, I would definitely give her a call. Her photographs are amazing- RebeccaClaire. I read some of her engagement stories, which made me misty-eyed. Proposals have never made an emotional impact on me, but I think that is perhaps because I never really cared about people finding love. Well, until now. So, what happened? I met someone-well actually I met someone six and a half months ago-and just about every post on this blog is about him. I am head over heels for Heath. I knew I loved him, but I came to this realization of head over heels about a week ago when I was waiting for him to finish playing golf, so we could go play golf. We had spent the previous day at a barbecue with all my co-workers. He was the first boyfriend I had introduced to co-workers. I never really cared to introduce the others to anyone. The others met my parents pretty much just because my parents were in town. I did not care for anyone to meet my sister, who I consider to be the most important person in my life-that should have been a wake-up call to how not important they were. I do not think Heath got the importance of going to Knoxville when we went the first time until he realized on the way home that no one had been to Knoxville with me. At the barbecue, he was wonderful and everyone loved him. While waiting for him to finish his golf game, I couldn't stop thinking about him-the dinner on Friday, the barbecue on Saturday, and the upcoming golf game that afternoon. I am so happy when I am with him. I am excited when I see him at the door and I am sad when the dates are over and he is walking to his car. I sent him an e-mail on Sunday night trying to tell him my feelings, but I definitely did not do my feelings justice.

Just one little problem. I am so scared of scaring him off and my sister did not help with these fears. We joke about marriage-he started these jokes, but she made several comments about it. I am also scared about the way I feel, so much so that I just want to run away to prevent being hurt. The way I feel about Heath fails in comparison with the way I feel about any other guy with the exception of CLB. I did not think it was possible for me to feel this way again. I wish the fears that he is just going to up and leave would just go away. He reassures me all the time, but it does not help much. I think my biggest fear is that he is going to die and I do not want to go through that again.

Well, forgive my rambling post. I will try to update more regularly. I do have a lot to say, just not a lot of time to say it.