A busy day

Heath spent the night. I woke up to him crawling into bed-he did not let go of me the rest of the night. We spent the day running errands. He was a little peeved saying that he got things done during the week, so he could spend the day with me. Well, that would be nice, but it is not practical for me. Heath does not go to the grocery store and one trip to BJ's once every two months takes care of household items. The errands were not that bad a trip to the hardware store and a trip to Best Buy. Best Buy was for him-he needed a new bluetooth headset. He griped about the grocery store, but he was the one that demanded I cook every once in a while. Food does not magically appear in the pantry and fridge. After the store, we played the Wii, which seemed to make him happier. I made dinner, which was yummy, and then we watched ghost stories on television.

What a way to ruin a movie

Heath and I are not speaking tonight, which is sort of odd because he is still over here. He was here when I arrived home from work. He seemed to be in a better mood since he could sit on the couch and play WoW, instead of sitting in the car and watching he DVR. He wanted to go see a movie. Technically, it was my turn to choose the movie. He did not want to see my choice. Neither of us wanted to sit through the 3 hour Watchman movie either. He had really wanted to see this other movie-Last House on the Left. I watched the preview and it was about a girl being kidnapped and her dad getting revenge. I enjoyed Taken, so the premise was not upsetting. Seeing that it was by Wes Craven, however did not sit well with me. Wes Craven is obsessed with rape. I told Heath that I did not want to see anyone getting raped. He said, oh they would not show that in this movie. Stupidly, I believed him. Well about an hour into the movie, the main character is raped. For about a minute, I looked at Heath-he did not look away from the screen-ugh! I stormed out of the theater (actually it was a pretty calm walk-he came after me about 15 seconds later. He was making his way to the exit of the cinema-I was leaning against the wall. I told him that he could watch the rest of the movie, but he said he did not want to since I did not want to see it. I still can not get the images and sounds in the movie out of head. I let him choose the movie last time and it contained three people committing suicide by blowing out their brains. Two scenes I do not want to see in movies-rape and suicide by shooting self in head. We walked in silence to the car and then rode in silence to the Mexican restaurant. Then we ate dinner in complete silence-not a single word was spoken-with the exception of telling the waitress our orders. We came back to my house and I assumed Heath would go home. However he sat down on the couch and turned on his computer. After about 45 minutes of watching Heath read the news, I changed my clothes, walked on the treadmill, took a shower, and crawled into bed. So far, he has not left.

The key to my heart?

Today, I did something I have never done. I gave a guy a key to my house. Heath did not really think of it as a big deal, but I think it is a big step for me. I don't think he is going to invade my privacy and I would also like to think he would knock before he uses the key-my parents do. He did not ask for a key. I basically drove us (yes, I know-he complained about being tired and made me drive-not that I'm not tired, have worked 11 or 12 hour days this week and only gotten 5 hours or less of sleep a night) to the hardware store, purchased a copy of my key and handed it to him. He was upset about sitting in his car waiting for me because he does not want to drive the twenty minutes to his house from work and then drive thirty minutes back to my house. It makes sense and if it means he will not bite my head off when I am running behind due to a patient (gee, you mean I don't intentionally run behind-it is because I am with a patient), I guess I can give him a key.

Ugh!

Today got off to a slow start, but then it took off. I had a full clinic this afternoon. Heath sent me an e-mail and so I called him back to find out when he wanted to come over for lasagna. He said tonight-which I was really hoping he would not say. I have a horrible migraine and have to get up at 4:30am to go to Asheville tomorrow.
Heath came over without calling first. I was already preparing dinner. He watched me carry out two bags of trash-tomorrow is trash day. I don't think a guy has ever watched me take out the garbage without offering to help. Of all chores-taking out the garbage is my least favorite-I actually have had panic attacks taking out the garbage. He did walk with me to the door and as I was coming back, I noticed he had put a Pepsi bottle in the blue recycling bin. I asked if he would please take the top off and rinse it out. He refused. We got in a big fight about it. It may seem like a little issue, but it is a big deal to me. He said he was going to leave, but he stayed and we spent the next hour in complete silence. What really stinks is I like him, but I have no clue how much I can put up with.

Shouldn't I have all of this?

Today, I dump Heath. He left this morning without saying bye which made me really angry. I did not hear from him the rest of the day. He called me later on in the evening. I think he spent the day playing video games-he told me he was going to the movies with his neighbor-which I knew was not the truth because his neighbor had company in town. I have decided that Heath is not attracted to me because for the past three weeks he has not even kissed me. In a relationship this early, he should not be able to keep his hands off me. I am not saying I would do anything, but he should at least want to. I told him that we should break up. He was not totally against it, but he was not for it either. I asked him if he liked me and he said of course. I told him to tell me why. He came up with two reasons-I'm nice and I like video games-the two well known foundations for a great relationship. He did not say anything about being attracted to me. He then brought up the name changing thing again. I plan to go by my husband's name socially. Why is it so important that I go by Dr. Husband's name instead of Dr. Wobegonrabbit? I am not using my maiden name because I am looking for a replacement. I have put 13 years into my career and I do not want it to disappear because when I change my name no one knows who I am. I really like him, but I do not feel like he feels the same way. As Mary Chapin Carpenter put it- Shouldn't I have all of this and passionate kisses?

Myrtle Beach

Today Heath and I drove to Myrtle Beach to see his nephew in a little league game. It was fun and I enjoyed meeting his brother and sister-in-law. We played with his youngest nephew and had a blast. He is great with children. He did tell me that he does not want a ton of children. I have not decided how many I really want.
The trip was great until the ride home. He took out that he was tired on me and became really mean. I really had to go to the bathroom-I was doubled over in pain and he said well, I am really tired, what do you want me to do about it. Duh! pull over?? I held it for over an hour and probably, judging from all the cramping and abdominal pain, have a UTI.

Friday the 13th

I am so glad night float is over. Heath took me out to dinner to the pub and then we came back home and watched Monty Python-although I am not so sure Heath actually watched it. I fell asleep two minutes into the movie and woke up an hour and a half later. He played WoW. We really have to set ground rules-he can not come over to my house, ignore me, and play WoW. I really don't want to be dating my sister.

Why do I have to do everything?

The day started out with an absolutely fabulous breakfast of french toast, grits, and bacon. Too bad, it took almost an hour to make. Heath seemed to enjoy it. I was able to get some housework done too including dishes and laundry. While cleaning up the kitchen, Heath started asking about my coffee maker and the cost of the K-cups. He does not drink coffee, so why should he really care. As he points out, his cokes cost more. I mentioned that BJ's wholesale had them, Heath said he needed a few items from there, so we decided to go there and pick some things up. So off we went to BJ's. First, we decided to stop at Sears so they could look at my tire. It was over inflated, so there does not appear to be a leak. The rim is a little bent, but I think it has always been bent. I need help getting the hubcap on, but so far no one has offered to help.

We went off BJ's, which can have some really good deals, but not always. Heath picked up a lot of things. He got a few food items and some jelly beans, which apparently he is not going to share. I get the feeling he has never been without a girlfriend because he had a lot of difficulty picking out toilet paper and paper towels-he told me to tell him what to get. I had planned on getting paper towels, but was unable to find any that contained recycled paper. I did get coffee though- 80 K-cups for about $36. Despite that good deal, I am not completely sold on frequenting BJ's.

Heath and I had stopped by the cinema to see what movies were playing, but found nothing that we both wanted to watch. I mentioned that we should hit some golf balls. While walking through BJ's, Heath brought up my suggestion of golf. He was ready to play a round of golf. I had to tell him that I am nowhere near ready to play on a golf course-I still can't swing the driver and only hit the ball about 80 yards with any club. I also told him that I needed golf clothes, which apparently he did too. We head to Kolh's and I got some polo shirts and he got some shorts.

Heath and I then headed back home. He was driving my car and some teenage girls waved at him. That didn't make me very happy. Once home, I changed into golf clothes and so did Heath. First however, he told me to take the tags off his clothes-honestly, what did this boy do without a girlfriend for over a year??? Wear tags on his clothes and not buy toilet paper! I took the tags off his clothes, he changed, and off we went to the driving range. I'm getting better, but I still need work. I figured we would go out for dinner and I still needed to get a few things. He started heading toward my house, which I thought he was picking up his wallet which he left in the pocket of his pants. Once at home, he informed me that he was not going anywhere else nor was he going to drive. I started to cry, not hysterically, just quietly. I had a ton of stuff to do and not a thing to make for dinner. If we are going to stick to gender roles, then he should do the driving (especially since he likes to make comments about everything I am doing wrong). We should pretend to live in Saudi Arabia and not let me have any rights.

We did go out and get dinner and finished all the errands. I put gas in the car and ended up spilling it all over me. For all those that know that I hate pumping gas, well I really hate it now.

We came home and I started copying DVDs for work. Apparently Heath was rather impressed that I could copy DVDs all by myself. I am rather insulted because it isn't that difficult. I think it might hurt his ego a little bit when I prove to be computer literate. I think I will kept to myself that I have written computer programs and also used to create webpages by writing html code.

Where's the beef?

Heath and I had plans to meet at the junkyard and then have dinner. On my way to the junkyard, Heath called to tell me that they did not have the part and that he was going home. He was mad at me because apparently I was supposed to have called to make sure they still had it. I wasn't aware of that. I persuaded him to come over. I was a little distant because I was stressed about what I was going to do with the tire. He immediately gets on his computer. I keep waiting for him to get off his computer so we could go to the store. I sent him an e-mail stating that we needed to go to the store after the junkyard. Apparently, he opened it but never read it. He played WoW while I prepared dinner. After dinner, he played more WoW. I guess maybe if I was Flower, then I would consider playing WoW a date, but I'm not and feel it is a bit disrespectful. He has an angry outburst about not being able to go to Megan's for dinner because I would not pick up meat to grill. I was unclear about why I had to be the one to pick up meat and how I was going to do that due to seeing patients all day. I also don't see why, if he had wanted to go to Megan's so bad, then why did he not go pick up the meat. I guess part of me is upset because in all my other relationships, when grilling out especially when we went over to houses of friends of the guy, the guy always got the meat. I have never been to Megan's and since Heath does not like steak and turns his nose up at porkchops, I have no clue what to pick up. I think I now know the reason, he did not pick up the meat-he appears to be clueless about what cut of meat to get. I am shocked that someone who is still a bachelor at the age of 32, does not know how to grocery shop. I am not sure if I have enough patience to teach him.

What do I have to be guilty about?

Today was going so well, I was in a good mood, despite being a full clinic day and looking forward to having dinner with Heath. I sent him a message stating that I would be leaving around 5:15. Luckily, I was able to leave around 5:00. Well traffic was horrible and around 5:20, Heath calls wondering where I am. Just a note, it takes me longer than 5 minutes to get home. It takes about 25 minutes. I told him I was on my way and would be home in about 10 minutes. He called back, which I somehow missed the call and left a message stating it apparently was not a good day to meet for dinner. I called him back and persuaded him to turn his car around and come back to my house. Once at my house, he told me that I sounded guilty and he was not pleased with this guilt-ridden tone. Well, since I had nothing to be guilty for, I was a little upset. We did go out for dinner, but it was very quiet. I don't know what is going on, but I wish he would clue me in.

Fly Away

I flew to Asheville for the day. The pilot laughed at me and said I seemed so calm in the air. I guess it is because the flights are something I really look forward to every week. It was so pretty with the snow. I thought about getting a picture, but I know it would not really capture it.

I saw a patient today who was really disappointed in seeing me. I had several strikes against me-I'm female and I'm a resident. I have to see him again in three weeks and not looking forward to hearing how incompetent I am.

When I arrived home, Heath was waiting for me. It is so nice to have a boyfriend that I don't have to wonder how he feels. He tells me and his actions speak loud and clear. He misses me when we are apart, but not in a smothering or possessive way. He is so attentive and he also knows when I need to be left alone.

Ellis left my book in my door. It is obvious he never wants to see me again. I wonder if he feels bad for the way he treated me, especially when Flower was sick. He definitely is troubled. I have enough drama in my job, I definitely didn't need it in my personal life. After meeting Heath, I realize what I deserve and know that I don't have to put up with garbage.

Heath told me that one of his co-worker's daughters is having surgery for a chiari malformation tomorrow. The girl is very nervous about the surgery and so is her father. Heath told the co-worker that I had the surgery. I wasn't nervous about the surgery before it happened. I was too caught up in all the symptoms and how miserable I was. If I had to have the surgery again though, I probably would be nervous. I told Heath that if they needed someone to talk to, they could give me a call.

Did I make a mistake?

I told Heath about my bulimia. I don't know how he feels about it, but I tried to stress that I have done well for so long and I am doing well now. Several days of purging should not change that.

We had snow today, so Heath did not come over this evening, nor did Ellis return my book. In a phone call to Heath, he told me how much he missed me-no prompting on my part. I hope he was sincere and I hope that the purging has not changed his mind. I feel like he trully cares for me and I guess if he does trully care for me then he would not leave me over this health problem.

Dating is so confusing

Well, as predicted, the day got off to a slow start. Heath and I went to Breadman's for breakfast. Neither of us really cared for our meal. We then went to Lowe's and Wal-Mart looking for space heaters. He became angry because at Wal-Mart, I would not ask if they had any space heaters. Once we got into the car, he punched my house into the GPS and sped off. I asked if we could go to Home Depot and he said no. When we got to my house, I got ready to get in my car, thinking he would go with me. He grabbed his computer and got in his car to go home. Upon seeing this, I slammed the front door so hard, the house shook. I called him and asked why he wouldn't help me, but he didn't really respond and told me bye. I called three times and he didn't answer. At this point, I was feeling a lot of things-actually I had been feeling them all day-I really wanted to cut and purge. My depression has become so bad that I really just want to die. I am trying to reach out for help, but I feel so overwhelmed. Well, I called my mother, asked her about heaters and when Heath finally called me back, he agreed to help me if I went to the mall up by his house. We met at the mall got the heater and a cinnamon bun (his idea) and then we went to a bar and I bought him a beer. We definitely need to work on our communication skills-I love him, but there are a few things that are driving me crazy!

I learned today that Ellis is in a relationship. Oddly enough, all I can think is she must be insane to want to be with him. I realize that I dated him, but he is broke, is losing money in his business, his father is a convicted felon for trying to kill his mother, he drinks constantly, and he seems kind of gay. I guess everyone has their prince charming and maybe he is her prince.

When I got home from Raleigh, Paul called me. We talked for about 2 hours, which is weird because when we were dating, he really didn't like being on the phone. I miss him, not in a romantic way, but in a friend way. I don't think he ever thought of me in more than a friend way despite the fact we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He became my friend on Facebook and it was kind of upsetting that he was saying things to another girl that he used to say to me and was using his nicknames for me for her. I know-I have Heath and I should not be upset, but it is upsetting to learn that you were not special.

Revenge of the sinuses

Well, I finally went to the doctor today and it turns out that I have had a sinus infection for 2 months. No wonder my headache will not go away. Well, I started on antibiotics, which will hopefully help.

I made jambalaya for Heath for dinner. He had several helpings, so I am thinking he liked it. We then went to go see the movie Push and we didn't get home until midnight. Now, I know I will be too tired to do anything tomorrow.

How important am I?

Tonight I was asking Heath what he had told his parents about me. He couldn't understand why I thought it was so important. He said he had mention me to his parents. I guess I am a little disappointed because I want him to go on and on about me to his parents and other people. He stated that he didn't talk about such things with his parents. I talk about him all the time to lots of people. I want to know that I am always on his mind and that I am important to him.

Today Heath brought up chiropractors. I knew he had been curious about Ellis, the chiropractor I had been dating. I told him that I did date Ellis, but it wasn't that serious and we never even considered each other boyfriend/girlfriend. I could tell he was upset that I had been in a semi-relationship so close to when we started dating. He asked if we broke up if that was all he would be-some guy I went on a few dates with. I reassured him that this relationship is more than any relationship and deeper than any I have had in quite a while. I am not sure if he believes me, nor am I completely sure he has the same feelings about me that I have about hum. I am unable to change the past. I just tried to reassure him that I love him and I only want to be with him.

Back in the air

I finally returned to Asheville today. The flights were marvelous-beautiful as always! My ear pain was very minimal. I saw patients at my attending's private office in the morning and then saw a new patient at the family medicine center in the afternoon. I was thinking more about the progesterone link with binge eating. A patient gained weight after starting on progesterone cream. I really need to finds some time to do some reading on progesterone. I also need to get back to studying for Step 3. My birthday gift from my parents was the registration fee for Step 3. Since I don't want to have to retake it or Step 1, I need to get myself in gear and sign up and start studying.

I met Heath's aunt and uncle this evening for dinner. They were the first family members of Heath's I had met. I think it is a good sign, especially since I haven't met very many of his friends. I am anxious to meet his parents, but I will not push it.

On our way

Heath and I drove to Nags Head tonight. I have no clue what we are doing tomorrow. Hopefully it will be fun.

Sleep tight

Heath is spending the night tonight. No, I have not changed my mind about the premarital sex decision. I was sad because he had to leave early Friday night, but I knew I had to get a good night's sleep for call. He told me that he could spend the night Sunday night. I was looking forward to sleeping in his arms. I wanted time to think about it, but he wanted an answer on Saturday night. At the time, he didn't realize it was a big deal to me-I've never had anyone spend the night. Tonight, when he found that out, he apologized for pressuring me for an answer. He was wanting to get together an overnight bag and take it when he went to play golf this morning. He told me that he didn't realize what a big deal it was for me and had he known, he would have given me more time to think about it. I am happy with my decision and looking forward to sleeping in his arms.

Thumb bunny loves you

We had to celebrate Valentine's a day early due to my being on call on the actual holiday. I arrived home barely before my 5:15 deadline of arriving home. Heath arrived several minutes after me-I only had half of my make-up on when the doorbell rang. Heath arrived empty-handed, which I was a little disappointed by, but only having half my make-up on, I had other concerns. I ran back in the bathroom, put on blush and lipstick and found Heath pouring water on the cat-grr. He can't leave that cat alone-I wish the cat would not get on his car. When he came back in, he said "what is that on the table?" This is what I saw:

There was also a card and a big box of chocolates (still don't know what to do with the chocolates). The card was a thumbprint made to look like a bunny and said "Thumb bunny loves you." We then headed to the car and once we were on the road, I knew where we were going. We arrived at the Melting Pot and Heath had preordered our meal. We had a bottle of Proseco and yummy fondue. We also received tickets to a private screening of The Notebook for this Saturday, not sure if we are going to do that though because we were going to the coast for my birthday.

I've got a crush on you

I got off of work earlier than expected around 6pm, so I drove into the city to meet Heath and his neighbor, Ann. It was a nice evening for the most part. We went to TGI Friday's, which was pretty good. Heath order a beer, which he hardly ever does, except for when we are around Ann. The conversation was pleasant for most of the evening, thankfully Heath generally doesn't tell me that I am wrong in front of people. My mother said I have to decide if I want to accept this flaw of Heath telling me I am wrong-so far the jury is still out. At one point Ann said something about sharing Heath (it was an innocent comment and I can't remember what context the sharing was-I think it was something like Heath was lucky to be out with two girls). Without thinking, I shot back with "I am not sharing Heath." I said it in a pretty catty way. I don't think of Ann as a threat, but truthfully I am not sharing and don't like any insinuation that I am going to share. When I got home, Heath called me to make sure I made it home okay. He was talking about his car ride home with Ann, who had consumed 4 glasses of wine and was a little tipsy. Apparently she asked Heath who he would rather date if she was single. He told me that he would pick me (duh, he's not an idiot). She accused him of having a crush on her-something I am not entirely convinced of either way. I do think it was an odd thing to tell me.

Heath says he has a surprise for Valentine's Day. It will be interesting to see if this plan is for Friday or for Sunday. Either way, I am excited. Too bad I am on call on Valentine's Day.