Shouldn't I have all of this?

Today, I dump Heath. He left this morning without saying bye which made me really angry. I did not hear from him the rest of the day. He called me later on in the evening. I think he spent the day playing video games-he told me he was going to the movies with his neighbor-which I knew was not the truth because his neighbor had company in town. I have decided that Heath is not attracted to me because for the past three weeks he has not even kissed me. In a relationship this early, he should not be able to keep his hands off me. I am not saying I would do anything, but he should at least want to. I told him that we should break up. He was not totally against it, but he was not for it either. I asked him if he liked me and he said of course. I told him to tell me why. He came up with two reasons-I'm nice and I like video games-the two well known foundations for a great relationship. He did not say anything about being attracted to me. He then brought up the name changing thing again. I plan to go by my husband's name socially. Why is it so important that I go by Dr. Husband's name instead of Dr. Wobegonrabbit? I am not using my maiden name because I am looking for a replacement. I have put 13 years into my career and I do not want it to disappear because when I change my name no one knows who I am. I really like him, but I do not feel like he feels the same way. As Mary Chapin Carpenter put it- Shouldn't I have all of this and passionate kisses?

Dating is so confusing

Well, as predicted, the day got off to a slow start. Heath and I went to Breadman's for breakfast. Neither of us really cared for our meal. We then went to Lowe's and Wal-Mart looking for space heaters. He became angry because at Wal-Mart, I would not ask if they had any space heaters. Once we got into the car, he punched my house into the GPS and sped off. I asked if we could go to Home Depot and he said no. When we got to my house, I got ready to get in my car, thinking he would go with me. He grabbed his computer and got in his car to go home. Upon seeing this, I slammed the front door so hard, the house shook. I called him and asked why he wouldn't help me, but he didn't really respond and told me bye. I called three times and he didn't answer. At this point, I was feeling a lot of things-actually I had been feeling them all day-I really wanted to cut and purge. My depression has become so bad that I really just want to die. I am trying to reach out for help, but I feel so overwhelmed. Well, I called my mother, asked her about heaters and when Heath finally called me back, he agreed to help me if I went to the mall up by his house. We met at the mall got the heater and a cinnamon bun (his idea) and then we went to a bar and I bought him a beer. We definitely need to work on our communication skills-I love him, but there are a few things that are driving me crazy!

I learned today that Ellis is in a relationship. Oddly enough, all I can think is she must be insane to want to be with him. I realize that I dated him, but he is broke, is losing money in his business, his father is a convicted felon for trying to kill his mother, he drinks constantly, and he seems kind of gay. I guess everyone has their prince charming and maybe he is her prince.

When I got home from Raleigh, Paul called me. We talked for about 2 hours, which is weird because when we were dating, he really didn't like being on the phone. I miss him, not in a romantic way, but in a friend way. I don't think he ever thought of me in more than a friend way despite the fact we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He became my friend on Facebook and it was kind of upsetting that he was saying things to another girl that he used to say to me and was using his nicknames for me for her. I know-I have Heath and I should not be upset, but it is upsetting to learn that you were not special.

I'm not into you

I went to go see "He just not that into you" with Heath. It was a cute movie despite the fact Heath wouldn't shut up about the part of the movie of "she not that into you if she is not sleeping with you." He said he was just kidding, but of course psychology textbooks state that there is always truth in joking. I paid for the movie and then took Heath out to dinner (pretty much because I wanted to have a say in the restaurant. Several weeks ago I said something about not going to steakhouses. In general, I am not a fan of steakhouses, but at the mall there is a Firebird's which is actually pretty yummy. It is my favorite restaurant in Durham (if you don't count Nana's and Piedmont-which you have to take out a small loan to afford). Well in talking about Firebird's several weeks ago, Heath said that we could go sometime because steakhouses have other things on the menu and he likes chicken and pasta. So Heath looks at the menu and states that they don't have anything he will eat. They have chicken pasta and 6 different kind of cheeseburgers. All of which are quite delicious. He knew I was paying, so it couldn't be the $30 entree that I chose that was making him irritable. I was afraid that he was going to be truly passive aggressive and not order-he did eventually order and cheeseburger and he ate it.

Passive aggression is soooo yesterday!

Call was not so great last night. I didn't get to sleep, so I spent the morning sleeping. Heath wanted to go to a movie, so I didn't get much sleep. I guess I will make up for it tonight. We went to go see Taken. It was an okay movie-I didn't like all the gunfire. I told Heath several weeks ago that I didn't like to see guys shot in the head. I don't think he gets it. When I see someone shot I go back to CLB's death. Even though I wasn't there, I can still see it in my head.

So I spent the afternoon with Heath and despite the gunshots in the movie, I was thinking about how I might be falling in love with him. He even mentioned a possible trip to Boston in July. Then of course the date went south. To explain, I need to back up. On Wednesday, he sent me a very passive aggressive e-mail. I told him that I didn't appreciate it and it told me that I misinterpreted it. I figure, okay, maybe I did- e-mail can be difficult to communicate through sometimes.Well, tonight after the movie, I was hungry. I figured Heath would be leaving early due to a golf game tomorrow morning, so I figured I would go to Taco Bell after he left. Well we came back to my place and I mentioned that I wanted a Manhattan. So we decided to go to the ABC store, which is right next to a pizza place. Well, we decided to get some pizza. We, unfortunately could not agree on a pizza because he believes pizza should have sausage. We picked out two small pizzas. The guy asked "to go or for here." I figured we would be going back for drinks and pizza so I said "to-go." Heath said "for here." I said that I thought we should take it back, that way we could have the drinks with the pizza. Well, Heath's response was "well if that is the case we just want the Italiano (my pizza) to go." He then preceded to give me the silent treatment. Someone I dearly love is passive aggressive and I will put up with it from her, but I don't want to put up with it in a relationship. He gets mad when I snap at him, which I try hard not to do, he has got to learn that I will not put up with passive aggressiveness. I made him a drink, which he poured down the drain (death to the person who wastes my Maker's Mark!). He left after I fell asleep on the couch (hey, did you miss the part where I didn't sleep last night). He didn't call me when he got home this evening. I guess I will find out how mad he is if he doesn't call me after he plays golf. Meanwhile I am currently being asked out by a guy I met several months ago. I wish I could remember his name!!!